Don’t shake your baby!
It’s very Dangerous
Your sharing can help a lot of babies!
As I celebrate my 23rd birthday in June, I can not stop pondering over what am about to type.
It might seem like a big white elephant joke but whether it’s a storm in a cup or at sea, my culture should be to;
- Save money, don’t spend it. If I don’t need it I don’t buy it. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ONE ENOUGH.
- Travel cheap and often. Traveling is harder as you go from only you to bringing a family.
- Don’t get caught up in useless drama. The girl I am with may or may not be the one for me, so don’t want to get all twisted emotionally over something that was never going to work. (Especially if you are following #2)
- Find out WHO you are. Not what you do, not what you are, or where you want to be. It took me way too long to realize who I am and what I want out of life. Explore and push your boundaries. Try new things and learn what you like. Meet new people, challenge your own beliefs and understanding, walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, and then share your knowledge with others. Become YOU.
- Worry less about failing. Try shit, fail, and get back up and try again. You are still young and “failing” now is the best education you can get.
- Fuck what people think. Some people won’t like you, some people will hate you, and some will actually hope to see you dead. Don’t get caught up in trying to make everyone happy, because it is an impossible task. Built a close network of people you trust and be mindful of their view from the outside looking in. Sometimes the people we love know us better than ourselves.
This is stuff I wish you had known at 23 or even 33 for that matter
Build a sandcastle. Run a marathon. Recklessly fall in love with someone you can never be with. Break bones. Eat bizarre foods. Travel to countries with names you can’t pronounce.
And as you do, take note of how you feel.
What strikes you? What scents refuse to leave your nose? What images are you drawn to again and again?
Carry those things with you.
So that when you sit down to write, you can splay them out on your desk and pick at them until they turn into words.
I’ve come to realize that the most brilliant writers I know are doers more than writers. They live. They travel. They talk to complete strangers. They try the things that scare them.
Their writing is rich and deep and multidimensional because they are.
You shouldn’t wait to write until you have a million experiences.
But you should seek out a million experiences and write along the way.
Don’t get ensnared in the writer’s trap of locking yourself in and pursuing the craft until you vomit.
Live many lives.
And breathe air into them when your pen meets paper.
By Machuka Frankline
- Make eye-contact—this shows you have no shame and are not being submissive
- Smile—this shows you are either calm or don’t care, both can be confidence
- Work out—it’s incredible how physical training can boost your confidence and energy
- Wear business clothes—it gives you the feeling of being in charge, of being professional, of having power. Like physical fitness, you become more assertive from this simple action
- Take care of your appearance—going along with clothing, if you know that you look good you won’t second guess your attitude around people
- Choose your words carefully—I could just as easily say ‘don’t talk,’ but you’ll have to eventually. Until then, silence is your friend in making you appear calm, cool, and collected. Too many people associate over talking with nervousness
- Have a friend by you—supportive people make us confident. Just having someone right beside you can give you a confidence boost
- Initiate the conversation—nervous people stay in their shells. Confident people go out and make things happen. Find the person you want to talk to and show you are in control of yourself by starting that bond with them
- Slow down—too many rapid, jumpy movements makes you look nervous. The calmer you act the more confident you appear
- Straighten your back—posture is important in displaying confidence and power.
- Laugh at yourself—this shows you are still in control and are comfortable
Unfortunately, money habits aren’t taught in school. Most people get them from their parents. And if your parents didn’t have good money habits, it’s likely that it’s rubbed off on you.
So unless you really focus on changing habits that are costing you in the long-run, you’ll likely always be having a hard time managing money, or creating a fortune. Following are the most common habits that keep people poor – even those with a good income.
You’re relying on a single source of income
Most people just rely on a linear income and try to tiptoe through life wondering why their wealth isn’t ever growing. Linear payments include a salary, allowances or one-time payments.
Smart people, on the other hand, tend to focus on creating sources of passive income. They come in the form of royalties, interest, profit, etc. They don’t rely on a single source of income.
In fact, 65% of people had at least 3 streams of income before making their first million dollars. A lot of people seem to think that creating a passive income is a quick and easy alternative.
While it is definitely the smart option, it requires a lot of effort and possibly even years of hard work before you can see your labor bear fruit. If you’re like me, the best way out is to create sources of passive income while keeping your day job.
If you’re just earning money via your job and not investing time and money onor passive income project, it’s likely that you’ll eventually run out of luck.
Linear income is like carrying a bucket to the river to fetch water. After a while your energy levels and health may not remain as robust – that’s when the real problems begin.
You have poor saving and spending habits
At one point I was working for a PR agency in Dubai, and making some serious money. I was working really hard, didn’t have much of a life outside of work, didn’t have time for friends and family, and at the end of the day didn’t even have any savings to show for my efforts. Why?
Because I was spending every penny I earned on a fancy apartment in upscale Dubai, buying fancy clothes – I thought people would take me more seriously for it – and spending truckloads on a fancy car and gadgets.
While it’s good to improve your lifestyle when you can, if you’re constantly looking for ways to spend your money, you’re destined for failure.
Stop thinking about ways to increase your expenses as soon as you get a raise. Instead, work on saving first, and spending later.
Robert Kiyosaki, author of Rich Dad Poor Dad, says, ‘Pay yourself first.’ Whether it’s an investment in real-estate or side hustle, or saving 20% or more of your earnings, do that first and take care of the expenses second.
Only 5% of the poor saved 10% of their income, according to this 5-year. None saved over 20%. Certain habits keep the poor, poor. 93% admitted they never budgeted their spending.
66% admitted they were not frugal with their money. They also had a bad habit of spontaneous spending.
88% of the poor in the study had $5000 or more of credit card debt.
You don’t value your time
People often don’t realize it but time is a lot more precious than even money. The rich understand this all too well. They invest their time wisely in building a notable career or multiple side incomes.
According to this study, here’s what’s draining the time of most people;
- 77% of the poor people admitted to watching more than 1 hour of TV every day. They prefer reality TV. While less than 67% of the rich watch less than an hour each day.
- 74% of the poor people surfed the internet a lot more than was needed – more than an hour a day – while 63% of the rich spent less than an hour each day on the internet. This freed up more time to invest in self-education.
- Conversely, only 11% of the rich said they read for entertainment. Most of the rich surveyed read biographies, books on career, history, money, and self-help.
You’re always waiting to start your journey of success
How can you start your journey of success when you can’t move beyond the starting line? Whether it is fear, lack of capital or anything else; there’s no better time to start a business than now.
While you’re worried about not having enough capital, somebody is being resourceful about whatever little they have and building something valuable from it.
While you’re complaining about having a ton of challenges, someone is solving those very same problems, helping society become better, and earning money in the process.
The answer to all these and similar problems is this; start today, be resourceful and cast your fear aside. More importantly, anything that you want to do has already been done by someone else.
You can learn insider secrets from biographies or by talking to people who are already doing what you want to do. Learn, bootstrap and go.
Damn… It’s been long since my breakup, and I swear there are times when my mind just does its crazy thing of flashbacks to the lovey-dovey moments I had. I wouldn’t say I’ve completely moved on because for me, I still wonder time to time on how things could be different, if he cares etc. (don’t get me wrong, I was the one who initiated the breakup, but that’s a whole new story of its own)
I wouldn’t say I’m the best person to tell you a step-by-step guide on how to move on, but I am more than happy to share what has helped me come to a place of acceptance at the very least. Some of it is cliché in a sense, and also some of them were hard for me to carry out. Nonetheless, here are a few things I did:
- Allow myself to cry. Literally, I was bawling in my mum’s arms and she embraced me in a hug for two hours. I was dead wrong in thinking that I would not come out shattered, don’t underestimate the power of relationships. Take it this way, it’s as if the daily routine that you’re used to for 3 years is suddenly changed overnight by force, and you don’t have a choice but struggle to get through the new plan, and habits die hard. It may take weeks, months or years, but you will get there. Believe me. Things can suck really bad right now, I believe you. At the same time, have some faith in time, let time heal you. For now, allow the people close to you comfort you, doing this alone will be very difficult and lonely. You could call up a close brother for some drinks to trash it all out, by all means go right ahead (just don’t get too wasted and make sure the guy’s got your back)
I cried for several nights to sleep, it’s a process and it can’t be rushed. Be kind to yourself.
2. Avoid looking through old conversations and photos. Well unless you find that it helps you process and let go then sure go ahead. It definitely didn’t work for me, and it deepened the wound a lot. It’s like stabbing at the raw wound and making it bleed even more. I found myself recovering a little better after being off the phone more, and doing other things such as packing my desk, reading books or going out for ice cream. Little things to keep yourself moving matters, don’t let yourself hole up in that small world of technology.
3. Put away gifts. You probably would be very uncomfortable and unwilling to throw them out right now, however the very least you can do is keep them out of your sight. Put them in a box, and leave them out of your room, not even in the same room as you. I only did this after the 4th month onwards from the breakup, and it was surprisingly better for me to let go, it’s ‘cleansing’ in that way.
4. Trying out old hobbies. It took me quite some time as well, but I did eventually fell in love with music again. Sure my playlists were kinda depressing (oops, and please don’t do this for too long, music is a powerful medium, trust me on this one) but either way, the idea was me managing to find myself through my hobbies again and I became much livelier, and more willing to look inwards. It’s a beautiful moment when you’re finally able to tell yourself that this is truly where my heart is content. Again, this was what worked for me but I’m sure there’s no harm in trying! A lot of people seem to suggest this too.
5. Get a listening ear. If it’s hard for you to process things on your own, feel free to get a family member or a friend (a really good one) to listen to you. I had to verbalise whatever came up for me, random memories would pop up. Mine was different because I had an actual ‘counsellor’ to go to every Friday, so it helped me cope much better. (counsellor in ‘…’ because they aren’t officially called counsellors, will explain it in a bit)
6. I mentioned this earlier: be kind to yourself. It’s painful and heart-wrenching, it’s tough and it’s most definitely traumatic. Science has proven many things about break-ups having an effect etc, let’s not dive too deep into the theories and facts. The very least you should, and I mean should do is tend to your basic needs (shower, eat, sleep etc). Allow yourself to indulge; eat ice cream, go for a drink and get wasted (not too wasted), sleep longer hours, call up good buddies for a day trip, go to a karaoke bar and sing like a madman. We all need a break, especially when things like this happen. It’s tough in the working world I’m sure, but don’t let that be an excuse for pushing yourself to the limit. No one can take care of you for you. Love yourself a little more through this hard time and accept yourself. You are no lesser than anyone else, just because you lost someone dear, you definitely have a place here and tell yourself that you ARE important.
I don’t know what went on, but I do know that break-ups aren’t easy. People can ruminate about this for years and even decades for some cases. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come about, you’re being perfectly human, don’t invalidate them. At the same time, get to know yourself better and reflect, take it as a life lesson, about what to do, what not to do, or what to look out for. However, don’t let this put a damper on your potential for a better future, and endless possibilities that can happen. No matter what, keep moving forward and you’ll eventually be able to completely move on. I’m getting there, soon enough. You will know when things shift in perspective and when you are finally okay and not triggered anymore. Trust yourself.
Good job for toughing it out this far and wanting to help yourself, blessings to you. 🙂
By: Somebody who understands
P.S. I recommend that you go to this website to check out Mind Clearing, it’s what I’ve been trying out for quite some time now, and has helped me quite a bit. Give it about a month or two, it’s not meant to be an overnight game changer. It’ll help you understand what’s going on in that head better. Get better soon pal
By Janelle Koh
#TV & FILM
As our social calendars fill up fast at this time of year, we’re turning our attention to the dramas that will make staying in the most appealing option over Christmas. From a classic murder mystery to the star-studded adaptation of a literary favourite, this is the festive television to put in your diary now
Next up for the BBC’s Agatha Christie classics comes a three-part iteration of her 1936 novel The ABC Murders, adapted by Sarah Phelps (who was behind The Witness for the Prosecution in 2016 and And Then There Were None in 2015). It looks set to be just as successful as its predecessors, with a cast that sees John Malkovich take on the role of Hercule Poirot, Rupert Grint as Inspector Crome, Broadchurch’s Andrew Buchan as Franklin Clarke, Shirley Henderson as Mrs Rose Marbury, and Freya Mavor as Thora Grey.
Begins on BBC One on Boxing Day at 9pm
Another BBC adaptation arrives in the form of Andrea Levy’s critically acclaimed historic novel The Long Song, set in the last days of slavery in Jamaica and telling the story of young enslaved woman played by Tamara Lawrence. Sir Lenny Henry and Hayley Atwell also star in the three-part period drama.
Begins on December 18 on BBC One at 9pm
This is Richard Adams’s childhood classic as we’ve never seen it before, with voices for the adventurous animated rabbits – who must flee imminent human destruction of their homes – provided by James McAvoy, Nicholas Hoult, John Boyega, Gemma Arterton, Olivia Colman and Rosamund Pike. Tissues at the ready.
On BBC One on December 22 at 7pm and December 23 at 7.20pm
Idris Elba returns as the sharply dressed DCI John Luther for season five of the popular detective drama at the start of the new year. Fans were excited when the trailer revealed that Ruth Wilson will reprise her role as the mysterious killer Alice, while new cast members include Wunmi Mosaku and Hermione Norris.
Begins on New Year’s Day at 9pm
Which is your favorite? Leave a comment below
“This year, I’m burning it all down so I can try to start fresh.”
Each fall, without fail, Christmas starts chipping away at my self-esteem before the day has even arrived. Daylight, especially sunshine, is short-lived in my world this time of year. The chill settles in, and, as if the overcast gray weren’t depressing enough, the festive decorations come out, the soundtrack of carols gets switched on, and the holiday movies are queued up. All of it fills me with a quiet, hard despair that is so bleak, I have to laugh and shake my head.
At age 22, my reserve of so-called Christmas spirit has run dry. I’m tapped out. So this year, I’m not doing it. I’m opting out of my family’s celebrations.
That’s the plan, at least. So far, opting out of Christmas hasn’t been as easy as unsubscribing to an e-newsletter. I’ve waffled, and I’ve wavered these last few days, wondering if, like in a Hallmark movie, what I truly must learn is that Christmas spirit is compromise — that agreeing to participate in a limited array of festive activities could be what I really need. But I’ve come so far in my negotiations, which are ongoing as I write this, that I really want to see what it’s like to have zero obligations on what has traditionally been a fraught day in my family.
When my elder sister and I were kids, we saw our extended family exactly one time each year: at Christmas. Grandparents stayed over, and my mom whipped up a massive feast for all of her siblings and their families. Then we’d pack up the car and head to my dad’s sister’s for Boxing Day.
There was always a mess of treats and presents, and my parents worked hard to make it magical. One year, they put a drawing of a skull and crossbones on the basement door a week before Christmas. “DO NOT ENTER, TOXIC LEAK,” it read. On Christmas morning, we were bewildered as we pulled cat toys and a litter scooper out of our stockings before finally guessing that there had never been a leak in the basement. Santa had brought us two tabby cats ― an orange one we named Tabasco and a skittish black one we called Jitters. I’ll never forget it- explains why I love cats.
But because we saw our extended family only once every year, it was awkward and uncomfortable, and my parents were so busy stirring gravy and fetching cocktails that we’d be left to get reacquainted with the fam. I just wanted to feel safe, cozy and surrounded by familiarity. As the years wore on, we had fewer people over, and we visited even less often.
Or at least that’s how I interpreted what was happening. In actuality, my parents’ marriage was gradually dissolving. I knew there were problems, but they weren’t the loud, fighting types — they practiced a much more passive, quiet kind of resentment that I’m prone to too.
I’m a big fan of social media, not because I’m an idle person with very little to do, actually I have too much to do and being on social media tops the list. Let me set it right, I’m not always on social media to put up hour after hour posts with the common Kenyan hash tags #goofing with bae, #my WCW be better than yours or #at the beach with 42 others, life is lit .I’m on social media because I like being up to date with the many things my good people have gotten themselves into and to get great ideas for my growing blog, Its part of my job as a journalists. The difference with me is that I notice the very small details, the misplaced comma or the sentence that never ended with a full stop and then I spend the whole day thinking of how…
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Bitter Pill to Swallow
It started as a mild wound on her left thigh. She neglected it and thought it better to heed on more “crucial” issues. But what could they be? What could be more important than dressing a developing wound close to her private part? Adding insults to injury, she dressed on jeggings hugging her on a close fit from the waist to ankle. And yes! She scored right. It traced her bum that Makau, Otieno, and Rotich would not hesitate to ogle whenever she passed. The make up was impeccably done to point. These, were more “crucial” than that menace on her thigh.
One Friday twilight after a laborious day, she shut down the computer, locked all the sensitive documents in the office desk and was set to leave. On her way out, “Madam!”, Exclaimed Akombe one of the office cleaners. “Are you bleeding? What happened to you?” Apparently, the wound was bleeding and her white mid rise skinny fit jeans would not hide it…
…To be continued…